Things that annoy me

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So many things annoy me: Lovey-dovey couples, gay or otherwise; North American women who talk in vocal fry tones; people who talk about themselves a lot; people who say, “I’m the kind of person who…”; people who weren’t actually in the TV series Friends but sound and act like they would like to have been; people who get in my way when I’m in a hurry; people who get in my way when I’m not in a hurry; Japanese men who continuously snort their snot on trains rather than blow their noses; people who ride bikes on the pavement right behind me so that if I stop suddenly they ride into my achilles tendon; people who let their shopping bags stick out into the ‘passing lane’ on escalators; people who insist on being first off trains but then walk like snails once they hit the platform; people who think they have ‘opinions’ when all they have done is to uncritically absorb the dominant ideas by means of osmosis; people who pretend they knew something before you told them but actually didn’t; people who read texts on their mobile phones while walking; people who talk loudly on mobile phones; people who talk loudly; people who say Barack Obama cares about people because he gives some people other people’s money; people who say, ‘I feel your pain’, ‘push the envelope’ and ‘think outside the box’ non-ironically; couples who pet each other in public, as though they were comforting them after some great shock; Russell Brand.

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